I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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