he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
