And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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