you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
