none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
