Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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