Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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