It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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