you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
