i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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