I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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