I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
