i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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