Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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