i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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