I will die if light touches me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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