where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize