No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
