our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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