Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
