no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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