there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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