Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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