he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
