in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
