why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
