If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
