we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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