It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
