she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I FOUND THE LEGS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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