TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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