so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
