I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
