I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
