sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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