batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
