I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
