remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
