what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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