Moan for me like Helen Keller
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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