you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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