So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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