We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
