I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize