My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
