Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The convent might be a nice break from real life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
