i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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