This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
