Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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