I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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