I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
