I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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