If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
