FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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