Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
