bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize