Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
