I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
