did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize