i wish my penis had a tongue
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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