The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
