just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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