Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
