Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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