my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
