I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
