honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
