don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
