if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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