So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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