you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
