But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
