New low: just hacked my moms facebook
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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