The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
