I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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