Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
