Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
