are you still at the devil's house?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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