I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
