My nipple is on Facebook.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
