just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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