you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
