No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
