just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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