I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
