If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
