the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
