i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
