I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am one with the molecules
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i think i just lost a toe
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
