i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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