I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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