I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize