is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
