I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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