WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the day after is always just damage control
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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