you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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