You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
