We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
